Saturday, March 26, 2011
I looked back at all the SMSes received during the past 6 months. The only words that appear in my mind are 'Bullshit', 'Crap', 'Lies'
Leaves me little space to wonder if all I have done in the past 6 months are worthwhile... Will I be enough? The fear of it always haunts me. Why did I even put in so much effort? You don't reap what you sow, that is a cold hard fact of life which I realised. I reaped the bad things which I have sown in a much greater scale, but for the good things which are sown, I just get back at most 20%, and I always go head over feet every single time. Makes me feel so cheap and low down.
Love, so cruel, and that is all that I've got from you. Tell me what in the world could I do after
another set of unfulfilled promises? I can just punch myself for falling into the same trap again. I came out from the whole thing battered and bruised, lost and filled with uncertainty. The risks which I have taken didn't pay off. All which I have gotten back in return is just abandonment and selfishness. I just think to myself and laughed "6 months, that is all that it is to you"
How can one be so cold and detached, unless it has been a facade which is being presented to me all along. There, laughing with your friend, you just looked right through me. How can you just walk on by without one tear in your eye? Don't you have the slightest feeling left for me? Maybe that's just your way of dealing with the pain, forgetting everything between our rise and fall. Would you cry just a little? Pretend that you are feeling a little more pain. I gave and now I'm wanting something in return. So cry just a little for me.
What am I doing? Why am I even wishing? I know it's will never happen. I'm just another passerby, who merely has more contact with you. That's just it about me I guess. I knew this all along, why did I still chose go with it when things were still young and new?
Maybe it's cause I'm just stupid. I was warned, but the warning wasn't taken to heart. I chose this route, and now I lay wasted among my own ruins. Who else is to be blame? Now look who's sorry, God I'm so sorry. I can't take it any longer, I can't waste another minute after all I've put in this. I given you my best but I just don't get the best of you. What can I say? It's really hard trying to stay alive.
I think I know what I have to do, I shall take things into my own hands now... I will end this once and for all...
|Shi Hao| 1:24 PM|
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