It's the 5th day. I'm still alright, still bearing with the agony of waiting, no one likes waiting. Hurhur, but I feel kinda helpless knowing that I can't do anything to make time pass faster.

Time is a bitch, the more you want her to go faster, the slower she moves. In short, she's just out to piss you off. To top things up, you can't hit or bitch slap her.. wahahahaha.

But anyway, sometimes I do feel that life shouldn't be too kind to anyone of us. It is through tribulations and trials that one grows, that one learns to appreciate, that one loves to cherish and that one learns to grab every single opportunity presented to her/him.

But sometimes, people tend to misinterpret the situation that they are being placed into and actually miss the deeper meaning that they are supposed to grasp. Worse of all, it turns vicious cycle once they immerse themselves into the erronous idea.

Humans are funny creatures. They like to hurt themselves & others, be it directly or indirectly. Maybe it's just the barbaric genes in which is hidden within some secret compartment of the cells that make us what we are today. It seems that deep down in us, there is a masochist in everybody, it's just a matter of whether the masochist in us manifests himself outwardly or inwardly, and whether we are actually sensible enough to know that we are actually causing hurt, and whether if we know how to minimize the pain, be it for others or for ourselves.

I'm a masochist, I love torturing myself, not physically. I love to think about stuff, always in the worst way possible, so that it would not hurt so much if it really happens. But the process of thinking itself is tormentous I must say. How the idea just clings on to my head like a tumour that keeps draining life and energy away from me, it's antagonizing and exhausting. I've always told myself to either stop thinking about it or to think otherwise, but the thing is, how do you get rid of something that is so deeply etched into your flesh? Words can kill, and Ideas can destroy.

But then again, I want to be happy, I want to smile, I want to lead a life where things are always bright and cheerful, where people are sincere and real. I will cherish what I have with me now and enjoy the process, and when the end comes, I will just deal with it according to the situation. I guess this is by far the most powerful idea. To live life as it is, to take everything by the stride, to not be trapped in the negative for too long. Like how Ms Helen Kellar would say:

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us"

I will keep my eyes open for the alternative door. I will not die staring at something which is already over. I will be happy, I will be positive.

But till time comes, I wil enjoy the ride :)

Let the cheery and ever crazy Shi Hao take over me, both internally and externally. I will laugh, I will love and I will live life to the fullest :)

(Hurhur, felt so good after writing this post, I guess blogging is another form of self soothing other than baking and listening to music, but right now, I STILL HAVE TO WAIT!! ARGH!!! Hurhur.... really can't wait for next Tuesday to come. Missing real badly *pouts* 你到底几时回来？！ I think I will really be over the moon when you come back *wide grins* Can't wait to see what there is for me, yay! Wondering how things are for you right now, hope everything is alright for you over there. But I know things are far more greater for you than I know of, heard that you are having a hell lot of a time over there which I'm really happy for. Reading the letter almost everynight after work and looking at the only pic which I have, hurhur just like some 花痴。

But then it doesn't really help me 解相思之情，in fact, it just aggravates it, hurhur. Just wondering if you are feeling the same way too... *wonders* :) LYA SO :D *continue waiting* )