Not much things to do, don't feel like baking, don't feel like studying, don't feel like youtube surfing, so decided to come do some blogging and spiderweb clearing in the end... hahaha... Anyway, song first :)

Last Letter

I have a few words in defense of my youth
my regrets would fill an ocean or two
I was young I didn’t know what I was stumbling into
I’ve had a lot on my mind and there were so many rules
Makes a girl crazy, makes her break a few

And there I go again
Acting like its my fault
When you’re to blame

It makes me happy
To use you a little
Just to use you a little
To write this song
Its the very last letter
To an old lover
To say I'm glad you’re gone

I’ve got snapshots of things on my mind
Though I love the past we don’t leave it behind
But I learned and now I know
I don’t need you coming around
One thing I should probably say
I got over it all, and surrendered the pain

Thats the thing about mistakes
You never see them coming
Until its too late

It makes me happy
To use you a little
Just to use you a little
To write this song
Its the very last letter
To an old lover
To say I'm glad

Sacrifice my happiness
Its not enough to know
I’m better off the way it is

It makes me happy
To use you a little
Just to use you a little
To write this song
Its the very last letter
To an old lover
To say I’m glad

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Haha, I posted this song quite sometime back, guess I just got the same feeling this time round, stronger than the past I think. Hurhur..... Don't wish to elaborate, but I think the most shameless thing in this world is to actually not admitting your faults but spending a great deal of effort trying to shirk responsibility, pushing it to others and making yourself look like the victim. Seriously, that is as low as a person can ever get. 上樑不整，下樑歪，how apt honestly. I am really disgusted, truly truly disgusted. The way you say how disgusted you are by my actions and how you are trying to instill that bad and fake image of me into people's mind is just despicable and pathetic. I am just sitting here doing nothing and you are doing your best to destroy my reputation. Oh well, I can't be bothered, the truth will surface eventually, even if it doesn't, it don't even matter. 'Cause at the end of the day, I am not the one who will pay for such actions.

So much things happened lately. Relationships with people around me worsened, feeling so unmotivated to study, suddenly finding myself becoming an unwilling leader and things just came like bombs right after I took over. Now I have to worry yet again about accommodations. So much on my plate, to the extent that it has spilled over. Not that I'm greedy, but sometimes we just can't really decide what we want to eat, polite people just decide that they want to get you some food and just put it on your plate only thinking that they are being kind without considering if you actually like what you are being presented with or whether you actually still are able to continue ingesting the food. But at the end of the day, you just gotta give them credit for being kind, no matter how thoughtless their action may seem. I guess I can only relieve stress via other avenues.

I just pray that things will sort themselves out eventually at the end of the day. But who am I bluffing, they will just remain as it is unless I do something about it. The thing is, I am more than willing to sort out some of the stuff but for some or another, I just hope that it will stay stagnant forever or just vanish on it's on. I am in no mood and do not even have the slightest intention to face these freaking problems. I'll just choose what I want to settle at the end of the day (Action of a coward, but who cares)

So now, i can only seek solace in the oven and with the support of some close friends. Family..... such a distant idea and concept, I think even Antarctica is warmer place at this point. My life is just more screwed up than ever now. And all this just because I don't go along with convention. People who ought to give me support doesn't, but are ostracizing together with other people. How apt.... the world is already as screwed up as it is, as I don't get the basic warmth from places which I am supposed to receive it. And now I just count myself lucky that they don't even broach the topic, what bullshit.... -_-